Monday Moodness

par-a-noid: Exhibiting or characterized by extreme and irrational fear or distrust of others

I felt that today. Actually I think I have been getting more paranoid as the years go by. Maybe it comes from watching the news, or maybe because I now have kids and that makes me more protective. I don't know that I would describe my personal paranoia as "extreme" or "irrational", but those three little words, "distrust of others" and sometimes even "fear of others" definitely hit home.

I took my little boy to the library today (we love our library!). Played with some blocks, talked a little too loudly, and found ourselves some books. On the way back to our car I heard a woman and looked up to see her, still walking but turned toward a man that had passed her and saying a string of words. I didn't recognize those words.

Here was my thought process:

- they must know each other, and be from a different country.
- I wonder what language it was?
- Oh...she was cursing at him
- yup, those were bad words...wonder what he did
- maybe they bumped shoulders because he didn't look up in time
- the snow really does get in your eyes
- Oh well, it's cold, get to the car!

Okay, so we made it to the car and I was very aware that the cursed out man got into the car right next to ours. Then he got out to sweep the snow off his windows.

He said: How are you?!
I said: Good thanks!
He said: How's life on 'so-and-so' street?
I said: Cold!
and got in the car.

More thought process:

- he must think he knows me
- he doesn't know me!
- maybe he was just trying to be friendly
- maybe he really did something rude to that woman
- maybe he was trying to "chat me up" and find out if lived nearby

Glad to be in the car and on my way. But slightly more aware of that guy and the fact that he is turning the same way I am.

- Is he really FOLLOWING me!

Now I wasn't freaking out, just a little worried, and uncomfortable until there were a few cars between us. But there it is. I've always been kind of proud of myself for thinking the best of people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. I would like to think that I still do this, but it is becoming obvious to me that I more quickly revert to the paranoid, skeptic point of view. Do people always have shady, ulterior motives? Of course not, that's just silly! Are SOME people a little strange and need to be left alone? Of course! Should we shun everyone and only pay attention to close friends and family? Of course not! That's no way to live and share the joy of the gospel.

Because we cannot control people around us, we can potentially be in some very uncomfortable or scary situations. I'm so thankful for the teachings of the gospel that help me through these everyday happenings, big or small. I CAN control my own actions. I can say my prayers, I can read scriptures, I can learn to more fully feel and heed the promptings of the Holy Ghost. I can trust that my Heavenly Father knows how every minute of my life will be played out, and He can prepare me accordingly. Hopefully I can remember these things, and find more peace in my random interactions with strangers.